The big trees are waiting!
We arrived at Far Horizons Retreat Center (or, Far Horizons Camp depending on which page of the website you read) after a seven-hour ride from the Bay Area. It was late and we were a bit disoriented; however, the friendly face that greeted us told me I looked familiar. She too looked familiar. And then we had our “A-ha!” moment. She, Kasey – or Quesadilla as I had known her – had met me – or Adventure Cat as she had known me – three months prior in a different part of California, in different big trees that enveloped a different camp. We had been neighbors at Camp Grounded – summer camp for adults – where we volunteered … she in the canteen and me as a counselor. For her, it was a prelude to heading up Far Horizons for the summer. For me, it was the first of a series of camps where I observed – and joined – adults at play. Now, Quesadilla was approaching the end of the Far Horizons 2014 season by greeting me and my fellow Camp Grounded counselor, Callie – or Ripple – at this late hour next to the campfire.
“And by the way, the Camp Grounded core team is here on retreat planning for 2015,” Quesadilla told us. “Did you know that?”
Not at all! The next morning the CG team members descended upon the breakfast area all smiles upon the surprise of seeing us. Accidental reunions may be fun in airports and shopping malls; however, there is nothing quite like running into 15-ish people you lived with in the Redwoods at the beginning of the summer on a visit to the Sequoias the first weekend of fall.
Ripple & Quesadilla all smiles!
This coincidence set the tone for my period of processing and reflection. While I had anticipated Far Horizons to be a bit more of a traditional retreat space, the reality that it was in fact a camp was appropriate given the reunion that was well underway. Plus, as I was here to process my experiences at summer camps, it couldn’t have been a more perfect space. While the main purpose of this summer’s journey was to put together a toolbox for The Adventure Project, it’s impossible to have ignored the personal development aspect of the journey. Three months prior, I arrived at Camp Grounded with little understanding of communal living spaces and my role in them. The discomfort and awkwardness was oozing from me as I tried to find my feet in my new leadership position as a counselor. Realizing that ten years in improvisational theater may make for wonderful playshop material, but only when that “yes” attitude truly comes offstage does it positively impact life – especially when life presents an abundance of opportunities with the unknown at their cores. With this concept as my anchor, I moved through the summer like a sponge sucking in one experience after another – without the support of a network of friends awaiting my various arrivals. Now, at Far Horizons, I moved through the days floating from one activity to the next understanding how to just “be” in this environment – cut off from my husband, with no cell service, in the woods for a period of days.
A perfect place to process – or just relax.
In fact, I was now used to being away from him. I was also used to losing cell service. And, I was used to communal living. All of these things, which had been so difficult at the beginning of the summer, were now second nature. While this natural growth unfolded, so too did moments of clarity around my personality, my non-negotiable needs and my ideal environment. During this work research, the following personal realizations cropped up along the way:
- I’m not as much of an extrovert as I imagined myself to be. The truth is that hardly anyone is a true introvert or true extrovert – we all fall somewhere along the spectrum. I’ve always enjoyed meeting new people and participating in group activities. However, until these recent experiences unfolded, I always went home (or to a room be it at a hotel, guest house, or something similar) with a door that shut. I ended the day alone, or, with my partner or friend, but the group environment rarely continued into the sleeping arrangements. And what a difference it makes! At the end of the day, a hot shower and a warm bed, without group participation is what rejuvenates me.
- Group dynamics are always interesting especially among strangers. In new environments, away from home, groups tend to bond faster through the shared experience. While this happened to me, it happened more successfully to me in smaller groups. I found that my richest interpersonal dynamic happens in a small group where everyone has the opportunity to meet – and connect with – everyone else sharing the experience. There is nothing wrong with large groups of people sharing amazing and unique experiences, however, the opportunity to authentically connect is richer when the numbers are lower. It’s in this setting where I thrive – personally and professionally.
- I can survive without my husband, my phone, my wine, my cats, my chocolate and my real name. I can’t, however, skip showering, be cold, avoid coffee, sleep on a weak pillow or mattress and feel mentally and physically present. Walking into a situation with strangers isn’t as scary as it may seem because collectively everyone is sharing the experience, however, some physical needs cannot be set aside. I’m now fine letting the cell phone collect dust when I’m in the woods, however, I won’t give up my shower no matter what the circumstance. Everyone’s needs – physical and emotional — are different. Only when we embrace everyone’s non-negotiables can we successfully have a shared communal experience.
Ripple and I with new friend, Claire, honor the big trees with our tree poses.
The time at Far Horizons was different than the other experiences I had as Ripple and I weren’t part of the official weekend program. We came on our own – together – and were able to float around as we pleased without too much attention to schedule or activities. I didn’t have to worry about my clipboard, my watch or my playshops. However, despite the seemingly free time, I didn’t read or write or meditate as much as I wanted to as people were around. And that’s one thing I’ve always known about myself long before this summer’s activities unfolded … when there are people around, I’ll always engage. In order to truly have “me” time, I need to take myself away distractions, as a conversation with someone will always win out over reading a book. The scale still leans toward extrovert … even though the hot shower and warm bed – on the other side of the door – will call to me when the sky turns dark and the group activities wind down. The key to putting these pieces together successfully is accepting them as they are. There’s no formula to how I should be. There’s only how I am. As we accept each other’s non-negotiables for successful communal living, we must first accept our own non-negotiables. When we do, we take care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and spiritually. In doing so, we lay the foundation for strong self care which makes us more successful individually — and with our shared experiences with others. I invite you to poll everyone the next time you have a communal living experience to find out each other’s non-negotiable needs. When you share your own, be sure the most important person is listening – you!
